it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
