hotel room ftw
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
