Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize