Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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