I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Life is so much better after having sex.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
