The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
third nipple confirmed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
