My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize