He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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