The best revenge is premature balding
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
