Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Randomize
