My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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