I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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