Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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