Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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