I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
