I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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