I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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