I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
