I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Will exercising make me less horny?
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