I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just tell him i said nine months
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
