you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
