While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
