This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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