i would punch a child for taco bell
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
