I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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