the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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