Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
