I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
