Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
