just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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