I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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