Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
