And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize