I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
