Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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