six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
