she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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