you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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