Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Vodka?
Forever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
