He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
