Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
