So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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