She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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