omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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