I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
