did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Randomize
