:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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