i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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