I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
