i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize