I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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