What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize