My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
