I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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