worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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