Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
