If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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