i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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