Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
