how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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