so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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