Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
