he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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