i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
