I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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