I love how my cats smell like pot.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
