Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize