i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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