i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
