I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
