everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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